(edit title) Six months in... does it get better? Regretting moving here Options

[Brigitteisveryspecial]

Ok, someone here is an asshole! But we get that, right?

So, I have a history of mental illness -and I'm just stating that facts first, so that you can understand that I had an additional element to deal with that effected my transition here.

-the light lamp. Very good advice. Get one.

Me:

I've been here almost two years, and whereas I don't have clinical depression, currently, Sweden has not really lived up to my expectations. I came from Canada (great place) originally, but moved here from Turkey (horrible place, in my personal opinion). So I was excited to get here because I wanted to go back to living in a society that was more similar to Canada, in that it didn't have the intersection of church and state, had better environmental values, a good social system, and more equality between men and women, etc.

But my main problem is that I don't find Swedish people friendly enough! It makes me so sad that I can't nod my head, make eye contact and say a little 'hi' when I'm passing a stranger on the street! It kills me! I came here thinking I could be more social than I was in turkey.

The weather is the next thing that absolutely kills me. It's the end of April, and this morning I woke up to snow outside on the ground and in the air. I have the completion of an old sports sock. I miss sun.

So far, a lot of your specifics don't apply to Sweden exclusively. Think about that. Ya, I hear you! The immigration/paperwork hassles are a nightmare that seem to never end. But most places we chose to move to will have a similar obstacle, to a varying degree.

One thing I've learned about Sweden is they love their goddamn clubs and societies and whatnot! So sorry to say, but you're going to HAVE to find a hobby, and force yourself out. I understand it's incredibly hard to do when you lack the energy and will. But you have to force yourself to save your life. Either you go to the goddamn library and find a book club, or join goddamn SFI and meet classmates that may be experiencing the same hurdles as you. Whatever it is. But make yourself go!

Can more people tell us if it gets better? I wanna hear more about how others settled here.

Oh! Maybe you should get a Swedish lover! I'm not kidding! Finding love in the spring? Nothing better!! And if you found a Swedish person to love, maybe you could experience the wonderful things about Sweden through him or her.

The end.

[Mzungu]

Mmm, OP, one has to believe you are having it easy...think about those millions who would be happy in your predicament,who are living in Zim,DRC, Somalia or even Bulgaria or Romania!!

*just a thought*

[mjennin2]

Change is never easy - especially when you came here without being fully prepared and probably, if we are to be honest, glamorizing the situation. I say this because I have been in your shoes in a lot of ways - it's a folly we all often times commit.

Having moved to a foreign country where you can't yet speak the language should have been a red flag that it will take time for your to assimilate and get the hang of things. Also by your references to weather, I suppose you weren't entirely prepared for the things that come with moving to Sweden in the winter - both mentally (darkness) and physically (vit-D defficiency).

The good news is that you are going through hell right now. Yes, that is the good news! Because, once you pick yourself up by the bootstraps, start to get a handle on the language and soak up the beautiful spring and summer weather (if it ever comes! Jesus, why is it snowing right now as I type this??? UGH), you will be so much better off as the months roll onward. Hopefully by the time you celebrate your 1 year anniversary, you will have many triumphs to reflect on and be proud of the the fight.

I moved here a little more than a year ago from the beaches of Southern California. Fancy that for a climate and geography change! And I was also pregnant. If you want to know what "difficult" is, give birth at the onset of winter and swim around in postpartum hormones during the dark months. That was something to write home about, trust me

But anyway, I digress. It ALWAYS gets better, if you want it to. Moving to foreign countries isn't for everyone. And even for those it is for, it requires a shit shit SHIT ton of work. Language skills, network building, learning how the system works, figuring out cultural mores so you know how to act to get what you want/need... learning that Vitamin D and sunlamps and quality jackets make a world of difference... this is the elbow grease you need to lather on if you want to make it here. You already have achieved the hard stuff - housing and a job. The rest is just fun.

Get a gym membership. Endorphins are nature's opiate, plus it will give you a space to vent, do something positive, and meet people. Take up a hobby, or better yet, come adopt one of the kittens my cat is about to have because fuck if I know what I'm going to do with a house full of cats Start a blog, write, take up sewing, start language classes, learn how to salsa, go to a new restaurant every week and try the one dish you would normally never order, just for the sake of jump starting your senses. Get a pass to the local swim hall and have a swim. Go shopping. Sign up for a half marathon and start training for it. And best of all, it sounds like you are in serious need of a vacation. Croatia is close, beautiful, and cheap as all hell. Go remind yourself that the world is big and no matter where you live, your problems will always follow you - take this time to learn something new about yourself so that even if you do throw the towel in and move back from whence you came, you can at least say it wasn't a defeat but rather just a detour.

<3

[ChocOwl]

But my main problem is that I don't find Swedish people friendly enough! It makes me so sad that I can't nod my head, make eye contact and say a little 'hi' ... (show full quote)

But my main problem is that I don't find Swedish people friendly enough! It makes me so sad that I can't nod my head, make eye contact and say a little 'hi' when I'm passing a stranger on the street! It kills me! I came here thinking I could be more social than I was in turkey. ... (hide full quote)

Yup, Swedes are reserved.

So far, a lot of your specifics don't apply to Sweden exclusively. Think about that. Ya, I hear you! The immigration/paperwork hassles are a nightmare that seem to nev ... (show full quote)

So far, a lot of your specifics don't apply to Sweden exclusively. Think about that. Ya, I hear you! The immigration/paperwork hassles are a nightmare that seem to never end. But most places we chose to move to will have a similar obstacle, to a varying degree. ... (hide full quote)

Very good point. When thinking "life is crap at the moment" it is easy top blame it on Swedeen, when in fact it could very well be crap somewhere else, albeit a different type of crap.

One thing I've learned about Sweden is they love their goddamn clubs and societies and whatnot! So sorry to say, but you're going to HAVE to find a hobby, and forc ... (show full quote)

One thing I've learned about Sweden is they love their goddamn clubs and societies and whatnot! So sorry to say, but you're going to HAVE to find a hobby, and force yourself out. I understand it's incredibly hard to do when you lack the energy and will. But you have to force yourself to save your life. Either you go to the goddamn library and find a book club, or join goddamn SFI and meet classmates that may be experiencing the same hurdles as you. Whatever it is. But make yourself go! ... (hide full quote)

Yes! Agree!

[ChocOwl]

Maybe this is helpful... Check how many "stress points" you have accrued in the past year or so. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htmThis can help y ... (show full quote)

Maybe this is helpful... Check how many "stress points" you have accrued in the past year or so. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm
This can help you to understand why you feel crappy, and give hints for the future. ... (hide full quote)

According to this stress test... If you have moved countries, changed jobs, movbed home etc during the last 6 months then you will have over 300 so-called stress points accumulated. It is almost inevitable that this will affect you ie that you will feel crappy.

[mjennin2]

According to this stress test... If you have moved countries, changed jobs, movbed home etc during the last 6 months then you will have over 300 so-called stress points accumu ... (show full quote)

According to this stress test... If you have moved countries, changed jobs, movbed home etc during the last 6 months then you will have over 300 so-called stress points accumulated. It is almost inevitable that this will affect you ie that you will feel crappy. ... (hide full quote)

I love how Christmas was it's own category on that test

I got a score of 394. S'pose I should go grab the bourbon

[ChocOwl]

I love how Christmas was it's own category on that test . I got a score of 394. S'pose I should go grab the bourbon

Yes, it is interesting how even "positive" life events reflect in the score - it is partly the amount of change over a short time that can cause problems, not just the type of changes.

[Bsmith]

- it is partly the amount of change over a short time that can cause problems, not just the type of changes.

Wonder what Caitlyn Jenner's score would be.

[yurodivy]

Thanks for the serious replies thus far... I wrote that first post because I realized that, given the housing market in Stockholm, I will probably never have anything close to resembling an urban life unless I somehow get into a relationship with an 08 who somehow got a government first-hand contract in the city and thus will never move elsewhere for fear of losing it, and I simply cannot be happy living somewhere where the most exciting thing is a shopping center... so I didn't see any way out of this while staying in Stockholm.

I'm originally from the US but have lived abroad before, and I never experienced such a shock moving somewhere. Perhaps I'm exaggerating this, but I just had a breakdown when I realized that six months of the year are going to be dark, grey and grim with nothing to do, and then even in the better six months I'd have to spend 30+ minutes of travel to get to anything of interest. And the bureaucracy seems to never end, since just getting a stupid residence permit takes something like 6+ months. Also, this weekend I realized that going out in Stockholm isn't even necessarily that fun (or maybe it's just because I'm already morose anyway?): Swedes (Stockholmers?) are obnoxious when drunk.

Now I just sound like I'm trolling but the only good thing I can find is that I'm not in e.g. Zimbabwe or Syria as mentioned above and I don't know whom I can turn to (obviously saying this stuff to acquaintances at work isn't the wisest thing to do), thus shouting into the void here. If I can find some glimmer of hope that things will be good, I'd stay, but so far everything here in Sweden (or at least Stockholm) seems to suggest that life will just keep sucking.

I'm now seriously looking for other opportunities elsewhere but now I'm scared I won't be able to find anything after job-hopping...

[Cheeseroller]

[LLHope]

Sweden has some of the highest use of Antidepressants in the world.... And yet is also self portrayed as one of the happiest nations on earth ?

The two are connected ... the antidepressants work well

I've been in Sweden for about six months now and have hated almost every day here, and am seriously regretting coming here. Does it really get better?

OP, where was the last place that you were actually happy with your life, and why leave it, what were you really seeking?

[Cheeseroller]

Other countries in Europe have higher suicide rates than Sweden, including Finland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Belgium, Hungary, Poland. Sweden's rate is marginally higher that the USA rate.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_count...by_suicide_rate

Data on antidepressant use by country:
http://www.businessinsider.com/countries-l...ers-2016-2?IR=T

It was a UN report that ranked Sweden as 10th on the Happiness list, so nothing we can blame Swedish media for:

"The U.N.'s happiness rankings use one data point from a massive survey known as the Gallup World Poll. That data point comes from a question that asks people in more than 150 countries to rate their lives on a scale of zero to 10 -- with zero being the worst possible life and 10 being the best possible life. The latest rankings show Syrians, Burundians and Central Africans rating their lives the worst (about a 3.0) and people in the Nordic countries rating their lives the best (7.5 on average).

While the metric is known as "life satisfaction," there is some disagreement as to whether it should actually be labeled as "happiness." Regardless of what we call the metric, it's important to watch."

The data comes from only 3000 respondents in each of more than 150 countries - so less than 20 samples per country...

[Mistress_Of_Doom]

Whoa this thread was dark. Seems to me like the majority of people who move here and end up in Stockholm hates their lives. I live out in the middle of nowhere and it's great. Relaxed atmosphere, close to nature. If you hate your job, why not consider something else, somewhere else? I came here from New Zealand, which in retrospect is a better country in general, but I have very few complaints about Sweden. I've spoken to another New Zealander who has very negative views of Sweden, and he lives in Stockholm.

[Gamla Hälsingebock]

The truth of the matter is, happy people rarely post here!!!

That's all it is and all it will be...

[Bsmith]

I wasn't sad about living in ?land, either. It's absolutely beautiful on that little island. Unfortunately, the job situation isn't so good there.