(edit title) Visa/Permit/Citizenship Support Group A quarantine for those of us losing our minds Options

[AimeeMUA]

Molntuss,. Me and my sambo also applied in April this year, and I got a mail from MV this week, saying that it'll most likely take 8-9 months from the application date, to get an interview ;_;

May I ask what country you are applying from? I'm from the US, and just wondering

[mjennin2]

My soon-to-be mother in law (on the Swedish side) just wrote a formal letter to some management level of MV saying that she understands all these refugees needing help, but that the government can't forget about all the other people silently suffering trying to get to their loved ones, and all the loved ones who are natural swedes being treated as second class citizens in this process.

My fiance told me about it just last night because she decided to tell him about it before she put it in the mail. It kind of scared me because she included our dossier number on it and now I'm afraid he and I will get punished by MV in some way for it. But bless her heart... it warmed my soul so much, no matter how futile it is.

He told me she was mailing it in and all I could think of was, "It will probably be read in 18 months." Hopefully by 2017 this mess will have sorted itself out; I'd like to think at some point, the wait times get so vicious that they make another change in the system and suddenly everyone's wait times start to shrink.

Man f?r hoppas.

[AimeeMUA]

My soon-to-be mother in law (on the Swedish side) just wrote a formal letter to some management level of MV saying that she understands all these refugees needing help, but th ... (show full quote)

My soon-to-be mother in law (on the Swedish side) just wrote a formal letter to some management level of MV saying that she understands all these refugees needing help, but that the government can't forget about all the other people silently suffering trying to get to their loved ones, and all the loved ones who are natural swedes being treated as second class citizens in this process.

My fiance told me about it just last night because she decided to tell him about it before she put it in the mail. It kind of scared me because she included our dossier number on it and now I'm afraid he and I will get punished by MV in some way for it. But bless her heart... it warmed my soul so much, no matter how futile it is.

He told me she was mailing it in and all I could think of was, "It will probably be read in 18 months." Hopefully by 2017 this mess will have sorted itself out; I'd like to think at some point, the wait times get so vicious that they make another change in the system and suddenly everyone's wait times start to shrink.

Man f?r hoppas. ... (hide full quote)

Ah my dear... that was really nice of you to share that with all of us. I've been crying this morning, thinking about it being 2017 till I am with the love of my life. It's all just so heartbreaking, and the fact that your MIL took the time to write that out in a heartfelt, but pointed manner - it really was wonderful to read. Bless her heart!

I feel the same as you. My sambo and I were talking and we just keep thinking - it's going to get SO bad, that something would have to change? It just seems that way. At this rate, they could keep stretching out the wait times, to be even in 2018! I can't believe the good people would let that happen. But perhaps it's just wishful thinking.

I keep seeing that the wait times are changed so often, getting worse and worse, that more and more people will start speaking out like your MIL, and that they will HAVE to do something, because there will be so many unhappy people with them. We understand why it is the way it is, but it does seem like swedish citizens are being pushed to the side. There should be an equal amount of fairness given to swedish citizens and their loved ones - especially since we have sambos who are able to take us in, vouch for us etc. It seems extremely lopsided now, with us just being told we will have to wait longer and longer and longer.

And the fact that they've said they will stop taking priority people now? I shudder to think of all those poor loved ones who are kept apart during one of the most important bonds in a relationship, a child! If someone got pregnant by accident, what a punishment and horrifying it will be to be kept apart from your sambo because of all this. It's so sad, it makes me cry again!

I guess I'm just having a down day, like we all do, but something - something has to change.

[mjennin2]

Aww, @Aimee... what you say is so, so true.

And for as positive as I try to stay, the past 2 weeks have been really hard for me too. I know it's not healthy to stay down, but sometimes this process feels like how I imagine driving a car off a cliff at night and into the ocean feels like, when all the water is swirling so much and everything is dark and you truly cannot figure out which was is up or down, and you desperately need air and each second that passes just seems to choke you more.

I even had a couple nightmares last week that MV went on strike, haha. It actually made me realize that it's hard to blame them, they are hardly the reason for this mess. It's Lofven and policymakers that have set the rules and MV is just trying to do their job. How much more can they, as individual humans, endure, given the pressure they are feeling on both sides? Surely they have a heart. I imagine they are under such intense pressure to get the refugees in and out and make sweden look like it's under control and desirable and ethically-forward in the eyes of the EU, that MV has no choice but to create slack no matter where they can get it from. But surely they know people in their lives who are seeking to bring in a loved one, and they see how unjustly they suffer. I'm sure all the people who are case officers know people, who know people, and all the sudden they receive personal emails from desperate friends-of-friends trying to find some way to get around the wait times.

They probably feel just as hopelessly compressed as all of us.

I guess there's no point to what I am saying. Just trying to remain sympathetic and not let this all harden me. It was pretty harsh to see @Panini's 8-9 month interview quote, fresh off the heels of no more priority requests. My fiance has been trying to swallow for almost 10 months now the reality that his government does not give 2 single shits about him, and it's been so so sad watching him feel that betrayal cut deeper and deeper each day. Something really needs to change. It doesn't have to become a walk in the park, but they need to set a limit to how bad this is going to get for all of us and really adhere to it.

[AimeeMUA]

Aww, @Aimee... what you say is so, so true.And for as positive as I try to stay, the past 2 weeks have been really hard for me too. I know it's not healthy to stay down, b ... (show full quote)

Aww, @Aimee... what you say is so, so true.

And for as positive as I try to stay, the past 2 weeks have been really hard for me too. I know it's not healthy to stay down, but sometimes this process feels like how I imagine driving a car off a cliff at night and into the ocean feels like, when all the water is swirling so much and everything is dark and you truly cannot figure out which was is up or down, and you desperately need air and each second that passes just seems to choke you more.

I even had a couple nightmares last week that MV went on strike, haha. It actually made me realize that it's hard to blame them, they are hardly the reason for this mess. It's Lofven and policymakers that have set the rules and MV is just trying to do their job. How much more can they, as individual humans, endure, given the pressure they are feeling on both sides? Surely they have a heart. Surely they know people in their lives who are seeking to bring in a loved one, and they see how unjustly they suffer. I'm sure all the people who are case officers know people, who know people, and all the sudden they receive personal emails from desperate friends-of-friends trying to find some way to get around the wait times.

I imagine they feel just as hopelessly compressed as all of us.

I guess there's no point to what I am saying. Just trying to remain sympathetic and not let this all harden me. It was pretty harsh to see @Panini's 8-9 month interview quote, fresh off the heels of no more priority requests. My fiance has been trying to swallow for almost 10 months now the reality that his government does not give 2 single shits about him, and it's been so so sad watching him feel that betrayal cut deeper and deeper each day. Something really needs to change. It doesn't have to become a walk in the park, but they need to set a limit to how bad this is going to get for all of us and really adhere to it. ... (hide full quote)

@mjennin2 Everything you say is exactly correct. I do honestly feel sorry for the people who have to work at the MV. I'm sure they do feel so much pressure everyday, and talk about hating your job! (Although, I have joked to my sambo that I could write to the MV and ask for a job! Wouldn't that just be like fixing two problems at once?? hahah I can HELP them since they are constantly needing more workers, and I can be in the country and be a useful member of society?? See! We should start a campaign for all of us to work there!)

Oh god, I didn't even think about an MV strike- that would be even worse! I do feel like for the most part, we all seem to be being very mature and polite and empathatic towards the MV. I don't feel like we should be pushed back, just because we are being so nice and kind in the face of our misery and the refugee crisis. We need help too. And the lawmakers need to realize that they are hurting their swedish citizens, like your sambo's feelings, and also all the MV workers handling a load that is much too much for them.

Don't worry about having a point. Sometimes all we need is just a moment of reaching out to eachother and clasping hands in a sign of solidarity and friendship! We are all in this together. <3

[mjennin2]

@mjennin2 Everything you say is exactly correct. I do honestly feel sorry for the people who have to work at the MV. I'm sure they do feel so much pressure everyday, ... (show full quote)

@mjennin2 Everything you say is exactly correct. I do honestly feel sorry for the people who have to work at the MV. I'm sure they do feel so much pressure everyday, and talk about hating your job! (Although, I have joked to my sambo that I could write to the MV and ask for a job! Wouldn't that just be like fixing two problems at once?? hahah I can HELP them since they are constantly needing more workers, and I can be in the country and be a useful member of society?? See! We should start a campaign for all of us to work there!) ... (hide full quote)

Hahahaha, I have suggested the same thing to my swede! And he told me it would never happen because they would probably think I was too biased, but then I said they should create a division of "guidance counselors" or other people who can offer therapeutic support or guidance, or just a listening ear to keep everyone from going insane!

It will never happen, but I think it would be very rewarding to do something like that. It's hard to turn a blind eye to a specific type of pain you have grown to know so well...

[Hisingen]

When I came here way back when, there was nothing like the situation that currently exists. I came as a single person, pure and simple. Just a three month period of sorting out the work and temporary residence permits and getting the stamp in my passport.
What is happening today is something totally out of this world.
I have persisted in the Hisingen word. It has been said that I am cold as a result. But believe me when I say that what is happening today almost beggars belief, and my sympathetic thoughts go out to you.

MV is being swamped with so many applications that the poor folks working there must hardly know where to turn. The national government seems to me not to fully capable of handling the situation, and putting more and more pressure on local government to provide for the influx but not exactly helping to finance same. It has opened the doors - apparently to Pandora's Box. Where once they sought to attract people to Sweden - as tourists - now they are attracting people but to what? Accommodation is in very short supply, social services are being stretched to the limit, and people in general are beginning to wonder where it is all leading to, and when, if ever, it will end. Sweden is quite a big country, but has a relatively small population that seeks to be self sufficient. That situation is being changed, and I saw where the government is talking about catering for the huge influx - with loans. Loans that will put the population in hock for the foreseeable future.

One would think that MV ought to be able to have two units, one dealing with existing applications for those wishing to move here and be reunited with their respective, take up their pre-arranged employment, and settle down, and another dealing with those seeking to come here, having crossed several other borders to reach Sweden's shores. That would resolve the problems endured by many, but clearly it does not fit in with governmental thinking (or lack of perhaps).

Latterly these forums have become very much agony columns worthy of any women's magazine. Apart from the damned pill-peddlers that is. The only problem with voicing your frustrations is that it seldom helps, not on here at least, since with so many in the same boat it is just a continuous flow of moans and very little enlightenment.
Why not try to lighten the situation with tales of happenings that have befallen you, that have made you feel better. Try and look on the bright side, despite all. Shed a little humour to make things less dark for yourself and others like you in the same situation. Life has to go on, no matter what, and the easier you can make things seem so much the better.

I hope I haven't rambled on too much, but I sincerely wish you all well, and hope that you will give the words of an old Methuselah a little bit of thought and even though we are going into 'darker times' you will try to look on the bright side.

[molntuss]

Molntuss,. Me and my sambo also applied in April this year, and I got a mail from MV this week, saying that it'll most likely take 8-9 months from the application date, to get an interview ;_;

D: Ugh no!! That's awful...I haven't even heard anything from MV and I will be hitting 7 months in a couple of weeks.

I'm currently residing in the UK on a temp visa but I'm from Singapore, if it makes any difference.

[Bellav]

Hey guys

Waiting 11 months and 2 days now . I am sorry to hear that so many of you are not feeling too well and depressed because of the situation you are in atm, and away from your loved ones. Think of it this way, it could have been much worse Are you guys living in your home countries? Do you have your family (mom, dad, brothers, sisters) close to you? If so, try to enjoy what time you have left with them now and make some more memories. I live in Norway. I am not originally from Norway and my parents, and all my family live on the other side of the world. I have my classmates and work buddies here, and am trying to make this experiece of living here the best I can. Lucky for me, I live in northen Norway. The locals here call it the Arctic capital and it may as well be. Going to Sweden, Gothenburg to be exact, is hard, coz it is very far away from where i live. The only way in and out of here is by flight, and Oslo is 2 hours away by flight.. but its not all that bad. I see the northen lights almost every night when the skies are clear, and its an amazing feeling. I am trying to enjoy my time here as much as possible with little thought to the waiting times. Trying to finish my masters thesis which i plan to hand in next spring, and work as long as I have a job here before moving to Sweden (don't know how long i'll be without one, so work till you drop as long as you have one, right?).. Everyone is different, and I have bad, and sad days too, and living in Norway is so much better than living half way across the world, coz distance sometimes does matter. On my bad days, I try to listen to songs that make me happy.. silly songs that make no sense.. fake a laugh and smile, till you truly do feel the sun coming out again. Taylor Swift's song 'shake it off' really sets my mood, and i try and dance funny when i listen to it (usually off skype when my bf isn't around, so he still thinks I am a nongoof ball , although he probably knows it). Its not much, but its something.. there will be light after the tunnel, and altough right now, it feels like it's taking for ever, the light under the tunnel is there Just 'shake it off' when you feel blue, and dance crazy, if you're like me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

[mjennin2]

Latterly these forums have become very much agony columns worthy of any women's magazine. Apart from the damned pill-peddlers that is. The only problem with voicing your f ... (show full quote)

Latterly these forums have become very much agony columns worthy of any women's magazine. Apart from the damned pill-peddlers that is. The only problem with voicing your frustrations is that it seldom helps, not on here at least, since with so many in the same boat it is just a continuous flow of moans and very little enlightenment.
Why not try to lighten the situation with tales of happenings that have befallen you, that have made you feel better. Try and look on the bright side, despite all. Shed a little humour to make things less dark for yourself and others like you in the same situation. Life has to go on, no matter what, and the easier you can make things seem so much the better. ... (hide full quote)

As always, welcomed and appreciated sage words of wisdom His

Although, on some days, finding a sympathetic shoulder to cry on is necessary. One can remain positive and strong as best as one can, but long-term stress can bring down even the strongest of people sometimes. Agony columns serve a very good purpose - a place for people to express what's on the inside, to other people who are in the trenches with them. And then when they are better, they can support someone else. Kind of like how this wonderful song goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69-DBXiOYuo

Good old fashioned humanity <3

[Varangian]

Here's something I believe most here will recognise. I could add a 15th point, but that's a pretty private point I'm sure most of you have found ways to deal with. People in "normal" relationships would have a hard time understanding that anyway.

14 things only people in long-distance relationships understand

[mjennin2]

Here's something I believe most here will recognise. I could add a 15th point, but that's a pretty private point I'm sure most of you have found ways to deal with. ... (show full quote)

Here's something I believe most here will recognise. I could add a 15th point, but that's a pretty private point I'm sure most of you have found ways to deal with. People in "normal" relationships would have a hard time understanding that anyway.

14 things only people in long-distance relationships understand ... (hide full quote)

I believe the 15th bullet point you want to add to that list is the 3rd one I wrote in mine: link here

#priorities

No, but really...

[Varangian]

I believe the 15th bullet point you want to add to that list is the 3rd one I wrote in mine: link here . #priorities. No, but really...

Yeah, pretty much so. Let's say my fianc?e and I are both visual. Also, there are some interesting solutions to certain challenges that you can PM about.

[wombatsauce]

As always, welcomed and appreciated sage words of wisdom His Although, on some days, finding a sympathetic shoulder to cry on is necessary. One can remain positive and strong ... (show full quote)

As always, welcomed and appreciated sage words of wisdom His

Although, on some days, finding a sympathetic shoulder to cry on is necessary. One can remain positive and strong as best as one can, but long-term stress can bring down even the strongest of people sometimes. Agony columns serve a very good purpose - a place for people to express what's on the inside, to other people who are in the trenches with them. And then when they are better, they can support someone else. Kind of like how this wonderful song goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69-DBXiOYuo

Good old fashioned humanity <3 ... (hide full quote)

This is so true. I think it's important for us all to keep in mind that everyone here is in a different place, with different challenges. It is fascinating for me to think about someone who is NOT going through this to be telling those of us directly affected that we are complaining too much, but that is the way I think I guess.

For me, I feel worn down and tired, but that is because the past few years have been hard for us already as a family. For me personally, I do not have this family and support system around me that people talk of and assume everyone must have in their home country. I have two little dogs and they are great - and they are great listeners. I do not have a long distance "relationship" rather, a situation where if I made it there, or didn't, either way would be just fine with the other party (so I am told - but this matches the feelings). I am doing this out of a sense of responsibility to my children who are so young and in the formative years of their lives - which is a time that passes and you cannot get back or make up for. For me, personally, months ago reading stories of people getting their decision in 5-6 weeks or so was a flash of hope, that was quickly blown away by the reality of the situation. I reach and search and try and I do not find positive things in my life, so I try to make my own and be my own cheerleader, but after months of this, it has become hollow hearing only the sound of my own voice, with my own contrived positive comments. I am thankful for things like having a home to live in, having food to eat, and being mostly healthy. I feel like because all of the positive things have been stripped away from my life, maybe I took these basic things for granted before - but I definitely to not today! My only hope was the thought of being with my children in a few months. Now that hope is gone - I have to find some other hope to fabricate for myself to feel hopeful about. Still working on that.

Every one of our situations is different, and this is really hard. We all cope with it in different ways. I truly am doing the best that I can to remain positive, but I am breaking down more and more. It's always up to me to put myself back together and it's not a fun experience. At the end of it, of course I will be stronger, but at what cost? I did not ask for a chance to be so strong, though, since it's here, I will keep on doing my best as long as I can. I am told that my children ask about me, so I am happy to know that there is someone in the world who wants to see me again. Life can be very strange when you feel completely useless and un-wanted in your own life. This is my daily battle, to keep myself positive, so that some day I can see them again.

I probably can't "switch my application to a work permit" and probably will not be able to find a job from here in the states. I am sure I cannot simply apply to relocate to a nearby EU country or many of the other strange suggestions I have read here. Even if I could relocate to nearby Sweden (the logistics of that are dizzying) then I would have to hope that my family would come to see me... No - I just have to wait. I have resigned myself to that, but it does not make it any easier when I am told to take all of these things where I know exactly how I feel about it, and simply choose to feel better about it, find the positive, etc. It's obvious to do that, so if it were as easy as it is to say it, it would have been done already.

Instead of "just being happy" or whatever it is that is suggested, I am doing my best to find a way to cope, and to get through this. Sometimes that means whining and complaining, I guess, though I am doing my best to keep that to a minimum these days. It's not that hope is lost, it's just that it's another challenge in the face of so many already.

It's okay to complain some times. If we had "something we could do" I think all of us would do it. But this is a rare situation where we must just sit back and wait. That affects different people in different ways.

[mjennin2]

This is so true. I think it's important for us all to keep in mind that everyone here is in a different place, with different challenges. It is fascinating for me to think ... (show full quote)

This is so true. I think it's important for us all to keep in mind that everyone here is in a different place, with different challenges. It is fascinating for me to think about someone who is NOT going through this to be telling those of us directly affected that we are complaining too much, but that is the way I think I guess.

For me, I feel worn down and tired, but that is because the past few years have been hard for us already as a family. For me personally, I do not have this family and support system around me that people talk of and assume everyone must have in their home country. I have two little dogs and they are great - and they are great listeners. I do not have a long distance "relationship" rather, a situation where if I made it there, or didn't, either way would be just fine with the other party (so I am told - but this matches the feelings). I am doing this out of a sense of responsibility to my children who are so young and in the formative years of their lives - which is a time that passes and you cannot get back or make up for. For me, personally, months ago reading stories of people getting their decision in 5-6 weeks or so was a flash of hope, that was quickly blown away by the reality of the situation. I reach and search and try and I do not find positive things in my life, so I try to make my own and be my own cheerleader, but after months of this, it has become hollow hearing only the sound of my own voice, with my own contrived positive comments. I am thankful for things like having a home to live in, having food to eat, and being mostly healthy. I feel like because all of the positive things have been stripped away from my life, maybe I took these basic things for granted before - but I definitely to not today! My only hope was the thought of being with my children in a few months. Now that hope is gone - I have to find some other hope to fabricate for myself to feel hopeful about. Still working on that.

Every one of our situations is different, and this is really hard. We all cope with it in different ways. I truly am doing the best that I can to remain positive, but I am breaking down more and more. It's always up to me to put myself back together and it's not a fun experience. At the end of it, of course I will be stronger, but at what cost? I did not ask for a chance to be so strong, though, since it's here, I will keep on doing my best as long as I can. I am told that my children ask about me, so I am happy to know that there is someone in the world who wants to see me again. Life can be very strange when you feel completely useless and un-wanted in your own life. This is my daily battle, to keep myself positive, so that some day I can see them again.

I probably can't "switch my application to a work permit" and probably will not be able to find a job from here in the states. I am sure I cannot simply apply to relocate to a nearby EU country or many of the other strange suggestions I have read here. Even if I could relocate to nearby Sweden (the logistics of that are dizzying) then I would have to hope that my family would come to see me... No - I just have to wait. I have resigned myself to that, but it does not make it any easier when I am told to take all of these things where I know exactly how I feel about it, and simply choose to feel better about it, find the positive, etc. It's obvious to do that, so if it were as easy as it is to say it, it would have been done already.

Instead of "just being happy" or whatever it is that is suggested, I am doing my best to find a way to cope, and to get through this. Sometimes that means whining and complaining, I guess, though I am doing my best to keep that to a minimum these days. It's not that hope is lost, it's just that it's another challenge in the face of so many already.

It's okay to complain some times. If we had "something we could do" I think all of us would do it. But this is a rare situation where we must just sit back and wait. That affects different people in different ways. ... (hide full quote)

Jacob - we made a support group on Facebook this morning so that we can all huddle together as an alternative to posting on TL. It's just me, AimeeMUA and my friend Shawna for now, but anyone who wants to is free to join the group, including their Swedish partners if they want to contribute too Just an option for an unapologetic space to not feel so alone in Here is the facebook link - just request to join.